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How accepting and integrating your Masculine Dark Side makes you a more kind, loving, and powerful man.
"...what if, deep down, I'm a monster?"
This is one of the biggest fears of every man who runs a Nice Guy pattern.
He's afraid that he might cause pain to others by WHO HE IS.
Seeing other people's discomfort is so unbearable for him, that he will rather fawn and please them, even at the cost of his own self-sacrifice, just so he doesn't "cause" more pain.
He will continue in a dysfunctional relationship out of obligation. He will lie to his bosses, friends, and family that disrespect him to make sure he's not impolite. And he will be shaking out of fear of being exposed anytime he would have to face emotional tension.
Seems terrible, right?
Not for him, because...
If he set boundaries...
If he shared his truth...
If he showed what he REALLY thinks...
If he honestly asked for what he really desires, he would be seen as arrogant, selfish, evil, self-centered bastard.
He desperately wants to believe, that that's not WHO HE IS.
On the contrary, he wants to believe he's a useful, loving & kind man.
But he had so many experiences in his life (parents, girlfriends, friends, etc.), where people made him feel that they've suffered because of him, that he got confused.
(To understand your Nice Guy pattern in-depth, watch my FREE TRAINING on Natural Masculine Confidence. I will give you 5 steps to transformation in 45 minutes. Click here and watch the training today.)
He started to ask himself:
"What kind of monster am I, that people around me go through so much pain by me just being (who I am)?"
So he decided to reject everything negative about him:
"I'll never cause pain to anyone, ever!"
And he learned to be nice.
Now he's always okay.
He's always happy.
He believes he has his sh*t figured out and he never seems to feel negative emotions.
...and no one has any fu*king clue what's happening inside - including him, because he forgot, that he had created a false persona to cover his EXISTENTIAL SHAME:
"When I'm the source of other people's pain, I'm ashamed of who I am."
Some call it TOXIC SHAME.
He "toughened out" of this shame into a Nice Guy pattern so much, that he disconnected from his own Self.
He is constantly overthinking, because:
"How can I be sure that I won't harm anyone by what I want/do?"
And his best answer is - only by positive feedback from the environment. Getting approved from the outside. Anything that could be disapproved is wrong to him.
So he just goes with the flow.
Living a day-to-day mediocre life.
Day-dreaming about what life would be like if he only were more confident...
Confident in FEELING his positive intention.
Confident in TAKING ACTION towards his dream life.
Confident in his MASCULINE POWER which is rooted in LOVE.
This kind of confidence is unshakeable because it's grounded in FEELING, in the core of who he is.
He would know because he FEELS it.
It's not intellectual, but experiential.
When he FEELS it, he doesn't need to ANALYZE and THINK about it.
But he doesn't feel it.
So instead, he tries to rationalize his way into it with his head.
He needs to craft the perfect behavior never to hurt anyone.
He needs to be always nice, always smiling, always happy.
Always nice.
Invulnerable to attack.
Impotent in creating the life he'd be proud of.
This is a man who runs the Nice Guy pattern, unable to stop it even though he's aware of it. That's how strong his pattern is.
The sad part is, that he runs the Nice Guy patter most of his life, pleasing others and being nice and obedient, running away from the existential shame so he doesn't have to face those feelings.
And what worthier thoughts to be ashamed of (feeling), than the ones of him being an evil, arrogant, selfish, and self-absorbed monster?
5, 10, 20 years.
30, 50 years.
Most of his life.
Only to discover, that when he finally looks at the feeling...
...it's just a feeling.
A FEELING!
All this evil monster, self-absorbed, selfish bastard stuff is just a mental outprojection of the feeling of repressed SHAME.
He's constantly asking himself:
"What if I have negative intention?"
...and there is no way in fuc*ing hell for him to figure out for sure that he hasn't.
No matter how hard he thinks, the "what-ifs" of the Law of Relativity always make sure that there is a space for doubt.
The only way to KNOW for sure is to FEEL it as true.
But if you have a thick layer of repressed guilt and shame, you won't feel it.
So until then, embrace THIS belief intellectually:
Every human behavior has a positive intent.
...and start releasing your repressed emotions by digging into your dark side immediately.
(To understand your Nice Guy pattern in-depth, watch my FREE TRAINING on Natural Masculine Confidence. I will give you 5 steps to transformation in 45 minutes. Click here and watch the training today.)
Because here's something to remember forever:
No matter how hard you try, you can't create a negative intent.
All intentions of human beings are positive.
It's the basic assumption of all healing modalities - Modern Psychology, Jungian Psychology, NLP, PCA, even Tantra.
When you don't know this, you can get lost in the endless net of complications, projections, and codependency in your relationships and with women.
And this "energy" of the "monster" archetype is nothing but your raw masculine power that you have disowned and rejected due to the unresolved childhood trauma.
Instead of learning how to use it consciously, creatively for your growth and contribution to the world through your purpose, you learned to judge it, reject it, hide it in a dark room and lock it in with "SHAME", because there was no one to model or to show you how to use it.
And the very shame that prevents you from feeling those negative feelings is the same shame that prevents you from reclaiming your true, masculine power.
Power, that makes you feel good in your own skin, feel in charge of your life, and power that LEADS yourself and others towards CREATION of the life you want to live.
So deep down, you ARE a monster.
You are capable of causing great harm.
And you are capable of causing great good.
Everyone who has ever made a difference was a monster.
Tony Robbins is a monster.
Martin Luther King was a monster.
Mahatma Gandhi was a monster.
I am a monster.
And so are you.
The question is:
"Can you be fully okay with it?"
I remembered Jordan Peterson's quote from one of his lectures:
"How could a woman 10.000 years ago make sure, she would be safe from the monsters outside her house?
By being with a man who is an even bigger monster, but in charge of himself."
When you reject your dark side, you will be chased by it for the rest of your life.
When you own it, you'll unlock your ULTIMATE POWER as a MAN.
The power you can use for creating a dream life for yourself and contribute to improving the state of the world through your business, family, relationships, or whatever is close to your heart.
The depth of your dark side is equal to the depth of your light side.
There is always a perfect balance in the Universe.
If you don't own your dark side, your light side is fake.
Psychologically speaking, the "nice" part of anyone's Nice Guy pattern is bullsh*t.
As Carl Jung said:
"No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell."
PS: Integrating the Dark Side of Masculinity is an integral part of Natural Masculine Confidence. I wrote a short book for guys who are interested in working through their Nice Guy Syndrome. Click here and discover how Emotional Tension plays the key role in shifting from overthinking & people-pleasing into building an authentic & genuine masculine confidence.